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terrible, good, & hard

There is this story we are living and we don’t know much of the beginning and yet we were invited in  and with uncertainty stepped into it all and were asked “will we trust as the pages unfold?” We were asked over and over again “will we love without holding tightly to outcome?” “Will we lay down control?" (because ultimately, we realize we only lose sight of Him when we scramble and grasp for it). We have wanted to give up so many times and have felt so many good and horrible emotions; selfish anger, mourning and deep lament at the broken systems we trust to make decisions for our most precious of children, icky self righteous judgement, and joy in seeing the beginnings of reconciliation.  It has been a wake up call to the world that is bleeding out in pain all around us.  When some of your dreams have weathered and died and you have yet to have the courage or imagination to dream new ones yet you NEED to see and sense God’s presence. It is a kind of desperation I often want to…

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