on broken escalators
This escalator has never worked on a day we had court here. Never in 2 years. Ever.
It feels like a metaphor for the broken system that decides the future for many children, young people, and families caught in this system. Stuck. This system we are all complicit in creating and maintaining with our care or more often lack thereof. Our family has been navigating this system for only 2 years but have come to believe it often misses the REAL things because they are still just trying to get the escalator fixed. It is not simple. I do not fault the social workers, lawyers, state's attorneys GALs, personnel solely. As a former Chicago Public school teacher I am not quick to point fingers because I get that these systemic breakdowns are so difficult to unravel. I see it, it visits my home in clumsy forms to fill out with no real sense of who this child really is. I hear it in the silence of months as to any information about the child dropped off here who screams throughout the night. It is real when day after day, week after week, no social worker appears until threats are made.
I have learned to lament. My lament has some days crushed me to the breaking point. It has made me weak and angry some days. My dear sisters and family have had the burden and blessing of reminding me to continue on. And I have learned I can hold BOTH lament & HOPE. Today things moved forward for our case and yet all I could do once I got into the comfort of my mini van was cry. Because I have seen too much and felt too much to naively think there is any real winning in this. I hold onto to so much Hope in the God who makes us new. I feel Him in so many ways and I am grateful for the glimpses. After many frustrating court cases in the beginning of our case I stopped praying for things to happen- not because I was giving up (although if I am totally honest maybe part of me just could not take the disappointment)- but also because I sensed I just needed to ask to SEE HIM in whatever happened (or didn't happen). So I always pray now, "Jesus, please allow me to just see you in THIS." Which I actually think is one of the bravest and most vulnerable prayers we can pray friends because God IS in all of our stuff it is just so often I miss Him. But today on the escalator I felt His presence giving me permission to be so, so sad. There is so much to lament and tears can cleanse and make room for new healing. Friends, today will you cry with me over broken escalators?