I'm not a big resolution gal. Mostly because I have
little no self control but also because I think too often resolutions add to a sickness I already struggle with; namely the sin of self reliance. As if I muster enough strength I can make sweeping changes and better myself. I know better. Pursuing goals in my own strength formulated in my own selfishness will come to nothing. I'm about a month too late but I do love that January (and being stuck inside due to polar vortex nonsense) means plenty of time to think and taking a look at life right now. If I was going to write a list the following would make the short list: lose the baby weight (although that is not happening with my current latte-a-day coping strategy), finally unpack and declutter the rest of the stuff in storage (yes, we still have junk left untouched since our Africa days), complete a triathlon, less TV and more quiet, prayer, reading, spend more purposeful time with the kids (versus surviving some days and being distracted), improve my photography skills, decrease my busyness and increase my investment in people, be more organized and less last minute. It is easy for me to think of all the things I want to be different this year but if I am honest some of these come from horizontal influences; comparison, jealously, and vanity. I don't think it is bad to recalibrate life and make adjustments but I want to make sure I am visioning and dreaming keeping the knowledge that my life is not my own at the center. This means living in a difficult and constant tension because I want to lay my life down and never waste it. Nothing matters much if I am not following where God leads. As I sat and listened to an amazing speaker at Perspectives this week I was reminded that all I really want is to be where and doing what God asks of me. But this ONE thing is also incredibly difficult in the age of constant input, busyness, and so much competing for my loyalty. So in praying and thinking through 2014 some of the above will probably stay as priorities but I pray those things that are from Him stick and those things not meant for my good and His kingdom would fall away and that I would have the courage to not hold on when I need to let go. I know for sure I want to experience more of Jesus, live more full of gratefulness in every moment, and, I pray, bless others. The biggest challenge for me is living not in the past or the future but in the right now. And believing the promise that His kingdom is breaking into every area of my life and this world He loves.