heavenly smack down.....that was oh-so-needed
This last week pretty much kicked my ass. Just saying and keeping it real even if that means you just reread that sentence to make sure I really said that. I did. Because as I sat down to write this no other words flowed. J had his kidney stone "procedure;" which makes it sound more like a fancy Brazilian pedicure than what really went down. I will skip the details because while I chronically over share I am not sure my poor hubby wants his bid-ness all up over my blog (well, any more than it already is). To keep it lively I also landed myself in the ER last week after some crazy girly issues that involved me asking questions like "blood loss: is there an app for that?" I wish I was kidding. I had to cancel time with family and a weekend with dear friends and sisters that involved a cancelled flight and I felt terrible. Each day I felt like I was digging myself out of a hole that I created the day before and it just kept coming. It was unrelenting. And I responded by being angry, bitter, whiny, and generally super fun to be around. I know, I know "this time of transition is tough" and "it is a lot at one time" and "it is normal to feel stress" but while that may be true the reality is my ever wandering heart had taken a serious turn. Yes, there are reasons I am feeling out of control but my actions are always an indicator of the condition of my soul and things had crossed over the pathetic line into the full on chaos in my spirit quickly plummeting squiggly line. Things with J and I are tough and every conversation ended in hollering of some sort. It was not pretty y'all.
I was reminded to rest in His plans. I was reminded to seek first. I was reminded He is not finished with me or anyone else and I need grace. And I was reminded to not busy myself trying to earn something that is never for sale.