waving the white flag
Today is no fun and I want to give up. I am having a day where I cannot remember one cute, endearing, or adorable thing Annikah does. I cannot remember these things because my mind is clouded by the rude, irritating, and nasty things she has done today. I am trying really hard to be patient and kind to her despite this behavior. I am holding on, desperately asking God to help me not respond in anger. I IM'ed Jason and he reminded me that she probably does not feel well, or is teething, or whatever but I really do not care. I just want her to act like my Anni and stop this craziness. It has really made me sad more than anything. I babysat Jonah today and she was just plain mean to him, snatching any toy he wanted to play with and yelling if he tried to come near her. She was not just fussy but angry. She had three time outs before 10 am (usually she never even gets three a day). I feel defeated, like I do not know what to do, like it is my fault she is behaving this way, like if I was a good parent she would respond to my correction. I realize this journey is part of parenting and days like this come but I find myself staring at the clock wishing it would tick faster so I can have some refuge from this. I know my sweet Anni is in there but she is doing a pretty good job of hiding right now. At least the tyrannical dictator is in her room taking a nap (or at least she is quiet) for a short while. I need this moment (exhale). I also need a strong sedative, or at least a bubble bath but we shall hold on and hope she awakes with a new attitude.