waving the white flag

Today is no fun and I want to give up. I am having a day where I cannot remember one cute, endearing, or adorable thing Annikah does. I cannot remember these things because my mind is clouded by the rude, irritating, and nasty things she has done today. I am trying really hard to be patient and kind to her despite this behavior. I am holding on, desperately asking God to help me not respond in anger. I IM'ed Jason and he reminded me that she probably does not feel well, or is teething, or whatever but I really do not care. I just want her to act like my Anni and stop this craziness. It has really made me sad more than anything. I babysat Jonah today and she was just plain mean to him, snatching any toy he wanted to play with and yelling if he tried to come near her. She was not just fussy but angry. She had three time outs before 10 am (usually she never even gets three a day). I feel defeated, like I do not know what to do, like it is my fault she is behaving this way, like if I was a good parent she would respond to my correction. I realize this journey is part of parenting and days like this come but I find myself staring at the clock wishing it would tick faster so I can have some refuge from this. I know my sweet Anni is in there but she is doing a pretty good job of hiding right now. At least the tyrannical dictator is in her room taking a nap (or at least she is quiet) for a short while. I need this moment (exhale). I also need a strong sedative, or at least a bubble bath but we shall hold on and hope she awakes with a new attitude.

Comments

Laura S said…
Rox, I am so sorry. I have had a few days like that since Joshua has been sick. Last night anything I tried to do for him he screamed at me! I hope she didn't pick up Joshua's cold.
jamie rae said…
your dear daughter is a sinner, and it will take awhile for your discipline to bear fruit. keep persevering love. someday you will have a sixteen year old who loves Jesus and loves you, instead of going crazy. praying for you!
Beck said…
ooo, sounds like hard times. I just came out of this. I feel like my hair grayed instantly. And I had very similar feelings to your own. @$%!!&*!

One thing I like to remember and does well after the warring subsides... You want Anni to be her own individiual. She is testing you on that now. You want her to be her own self. You certainly don't want to control her, even if you know best. That's why God let's kids be so nutty. We think we know what's best, but we are falible. Keep consistent, this will pass.

I'm also with Jay, she may be cutting some teeth or have a cold coming on. Keep your eyes peeled. oh, and get yourself out of the house if possible. Garfield Park Observatory is good this time of year as it is warm and tropical like. Good luck on the plane with that tornado!
Grandma Ronnie said…
You would do the same thing when I was babysitting or after Rob was born. You were jealous of having me to yourself. I'm sure Anni feels the same way. Disney World is coming soon. Anni and I both need fun, and you can rest.....
annalea said…
my prayers are with you hon. that is just plain exhausting and it is hard to keep running the long race. just know that your dedication to shepherding anni's heart will be rewarded. and continue to repeat, "i love you too much to let you behave this way" - it seems to help. (also you could rewatch the last video you posted of her dancing in her sunglasses - we loved it)
Mark said…
Ugh, we know how you are feeling as it seems every day has been like this for Silas lately, too. I'm sorry, I know it is the worst feeling in the world to feel helpless as a parent. We have gotten to the point where when Silas is behaving like a total nut, we just immediately give him Tylenol and it usually helps. Whether its teething or a tummy ache or whatever, usually his behavior is a result of not feeling well, because he is normally a very sweet boy.
misskatiez said…
consider this a hug. for you and for anni.

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