just tired of being a mama

Today I am just tired of being a mama. I know that this is my role right now and God has blessed me with an awesome family but it is just the little things that make me want to scream, or drive far far away, or take a cool bath and read. I think I shall pick the later tonight. I know that tomorrow will be better and that maybe she is teething or just grouchy and I need to be more patient, have more grace and understanding but blick to all that! I need a personal day :) Here is gripe list and I promise upon venting I will adopt a much happier attitude:

Today I changed Anni's outfit 3 times before 2pm. Our condo is so hot, like hades hot, as we thought it was pretty much safe to take out all the window AC units one we had a 30 degree day, I guess not in Chicago! I attempted to feed Anni lunch while she decided throwing the food was more enjoyable. I was babysitting a little girl (10 months) that lives in our neighborhood and Anni was having none of it. Annikah decided that if I did not hold her the entire time she would scream and clench onto my leg as if someone was repeatedly stabbing her. We got home and I poured myself my last diet coke with lime into a big glass with ice (so fabulous) and while I turned around to grab Anni's car toy she got to it first and proceeded to dump it all over herself and the floor (hence clothes change #3). After Anni took a very short afternoon nap (I think due to the heat because she was sweating when I got her) we went out to the library, usually an Annikah fav. After walking about 6 blocks it began to rain, no pour, I swear I thought we saw Noah and some animals floating by. We ducked in and waited it out making our trip home past her dinnertime thus prompting her to scream the entire way. Once home she ate her dinner but again thought everything I was offering was apparently gruel. Since Anni has a bad diaper rash I; in my kindness and concern, let her run around for a few minutes in the buff as the air is supposed to help. She was indeed happy but repaid my kindness by peeing on the floor (at least I had not really cleaned up the diet coke from earlier so now a mopping is in order). Then, the piece de resistance: I put Anni in her bath and she promptly "dropped a deuce" as my brother so chic-ly puts it. That was fun to clean up. Jason got to miss out on all the merriment as he has grad school tonight.
Sometimes I just want to not clean or comfort or cook or console or care for. I am just having a moment, I am sure it will be brief, of being worn out and tired of this whole Mama gig. Ok, I am off to the bath (of course after a bit of scrubbing) with my book as I want to make the most of my alone time. Maybe I will soak off my funky attitude and have a new outlook for tomorrow.

Comments

Kate D said…
I totally get it. And I have only been doing this for 4 1/2 months!

Guess what I did today. Called in sick to motherhood. OK, so I still had to feed Isaac, but Zach took a sick day and did everything else while I laid on the couch drinking hot tea and eating cough drops.

I hope you got to take your cool bath!
annalea said…
i love you! the mix of emotions that comes with these days is incredibly frustrating to me - impatience, guilt, and everything in between it seems. i wish i could tell you it gets better but i think we will be consoling each other for the next 20 years or so about these days. at least we have fellow mamas to emphasize. (luca's new thing is hitting me and gia and then pretending that he can't walk to timeout. ahhhh! i ate dinner by myself in my bedroom tonight! - see blog for more)
Grandma Ronnie said…
You will find that now she can walk, you can't even pee by yourself. It's a thing all Mom's share. Next time call me and I'll take her so you can have some down time. What you find out when you're an empty-nester is you have no idea what to do with your time to feel needed or important. And your kids, no matter how old, have problems that "rain on your parade" of important life goals, until you finally forget what your goals were. But then you look at how wonderful they are, and you realize God gave them to you for a better goal.
Beck said…
It's the full moon, Rox. Seriously, mark my words. Girls, especially, get wonky crazy around the full moon. It's full tomorrow.

Aislin and Anni must be in cahoots on being crazed, drink-grabbing, incessantly-screaming banshees. Serious voltage in those scream.

I have no good advice for you! But the moon has something to do with it. You'll notice it again, make note of the moon cycle!! Love you wox!
Unity said…
Not being a mom, I can in no way compare--but I appreciate your honesty & applaud your venting--go ahead vent away! Hope it was a good book & a great bath!

Unity
Laura S said…
Beck and Rox:
Either Joshua is a girl or the full moon affects boys too. Last night after work he had one of those crazy squirmy, cry when he is put down kinda days. I literally had to wrestle him to put on his PJs. Luckily all days aren't like that!
Laura
Lola said…
Rox,
I can't believe in the midst of your crazy day you found time to bring me flowers and to celebrate my news! You are an awesome person AND and awesome mom!

xoxo
Laura
jamie said…
persis duked in the bathtub recently...since i was on the phone with my brother and had had a relatively pleasant day, i laughed and exclaimed like a grossed-out jr. higher until wes came in the bathroom and claimed i was scaring persis...and he cleaned it up--whoopie! anyway, i'll be praying for you and think of you often!

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