losses, gains, and self-reflection...

Yesterday a friend said to me"You've been a mom for a while, I need advice." What? I have? I still feel so new to this but then upon reflection decided that I have been at this for a while. I have learned so much over the last 7 1/2 months (with much to come). The learning curve after having a baby is huge, whether you are a quick learner or a slow study (like me). I have been journaling and processes this Mommy gig and decided to think about what I lost in becoming a Mom and what I have gained. I also have learned so much about myself. These lists, no doubt, will grow and change as I do but here is a start:

losses...
the ability to decide last minute to go to a movie or out to dinner
the way I usually travel, walking all day and staying up super late
working out whenever was convenient for me
deciding what to do today
calling in sick for work
seeing the kids I work with grow and change daily
sleeping in
peeing without an audience
wearing cute bras and fitting into my skinny jeans
being able to be irresponsible
not feeling guilty taking time for me


gains....
being the favorite person in the world for another little person
knowing you are needed
being privileged to watch Anni discover the world
sharing life with so many great Mommy friends
watching Jason as a Papa with Annikah and realizing it makes me love him more
being utterly entertained by a baby laughing
being more acutely awakened of the plight of mothers and kids in other parts of the world
getting to explore my neighborhood more and meet people
no more grade books or report card days
not being able to compartmentalize my life neatly but being stretched to really live what I believe
a challenge to rise to
slowing down my pace in life to take time for little thrills like watching Annikah learn how to clap


What I discovered about myself.....
I can no longer can hear about stories involving pregnant women and/or babies without a deep feeling of pain or joy
I can get excited about peeing and pooping (hers not mine :)
That being a mom ties you to so many other moms in meaningful ways
That i desperately crave time to myself but then spend much of that time missing Annikah
I appreciate my own Mom so much more
How long some days are and how others fly by
How impatient and short tempered I can be
How much I need to rely on God for strength and wisdom
How to set boundaries for my family
I actually can love a little person so much it hurts
How much more I appreciate God adopting me as His child
Little thrills in life are amazing

Comments

Grandma Ronnie said…
The best thing about being a Mother for me, is watching you do such a wonderful job with Anni! My three children are the best and greatest gifts of my life. I feel such despair for the parents who lost their children yesterday to a lonely, crazy boy. :( What a tragic waste of life. Both his and theirs.

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